Sometimes the day goes by so slowly, like when the boys are being naughty, tiresome and trying. In those situations, I try to "get by" watching the clock and knowing that "soon it'll be lunch time, " and after that naps, and then Daddy will be home... I suppose that during the frustrations of the longer days, I don't really absorb the movements and goings on in my boys' lives the way a truly grateful person would. I try to "make it through" until Daddy comes home instead of thriving on the zest for life that my boys have. I don't smile as often or laugh as much; I yell and get angry too easily. I let whole days slip away as though it never occurred to me that I will never get that day back.
And then the boys go to sleep, and I have to do everything in my power not to disturb their slumber. I want to see them, touch them, kiss them and relish the quiet in them. I look down on them in their cribs and tears come to my eyes knowing that they are about to be one day older; knowing that the days of sleeping in cribs is even coming to a close. In the night I want time to slow down, the opposite of what a difficult day would hope for. I guess in the quiet I realize that they are gifts I don't deserve, and that even the "difficulty" they may be on some days is a gift! I want to change my thinking so that no matter what the situation, or how tired or nerve-wrecked I am I see them as gifts not to be taken for granted; and not for time to pass by. I need to see them with Jesus' eyes; even more than with a mother's eyes.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Then they were two
Everyone is quick to say things about savoring every moment when your kids are young- they say it from the time they learn you're pregnant, and they keep saying it as the days go by. You smile and agree, saying, "Oh, I will, thanks." And for all intents and purposes, you really do try to savor the moments: the messy ones, the funny ones, the sad, uncomfortable, weird, outrageous and priceless ones.
And suddenly you turn around and your babies aren't babies any more. On April 25th they're two. They are growing out of baby fat and into their necks. They aren't eating mush, they are eating pizza with you. They don't cry when they are hungry, they tell you "hungy-eat?" and when they are poopy they say, "poopy-pans." They know most of the objects in the house by name and can identify each family member by name- rather clearly. They don't wear onesies, just regular boy clothes. They don't want to play with rattles, they want to climb up the swing set and kick the soccer ball. They want to do everything you do, including type on the "pewter" and fix things with Daddy. They just plain aren't babies any more.
Every moment of the past that I'm sure I favored I now need to concentrate on to remember. I need to go back and look at pictures to remember what they looked like as babies and how they grew so fast. I need to watch videos to see and hear their little cries and squeals. And a lot of the time I do want to go back, to hold onto those little baby moments forever.
But then I see who these boys are becoming and I am intrigued by the unkowns that lie ahead. I want to be there every step of the way, just to watch from the sidelines. And I can still smile and say that I will savor every moment-- I'll just try to keep the flavors forever.
And suddenly you turn around and your babies aren't babies any more. On April 25th they're two. They are growing out of baby fat and into their necks. They aren't eating mush, they are eating pizza with you. They don't cry when they are hungry, they tell you "hungy-eat?" and when they are poopy they say, "poopy-pans." They know most of the objects in the house by name and can identify each family member by name- rather clearly. They don't wear onesies, just regular boy clothes. They don't want to play with rattles, they want to climb up the swing set and kick the soccer ball. They want to do everything you do, including type on the "pewter" and fix things with Daddy. They just plain aren't babies any more.
Every moment of the past that I'm sure I favored I now need to concentrate on to remember. I need to go back and look at pictures to remember what they looked like as babies and how they grew so fast. I need to watch videos to see and hear their little cries and squeals. And a lot of the time I do want to go back, to hold onto those little baby moments forever.
But then I see who these boys are becoming and I am intrigued by the unkowns that lie ahead. I want to be there every step of the way, just to watch from the sidelines. And I can still smile and say that I will savor every moment-- I'll just try to keep the flavors forever.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Ah, Cole, what makes him tick? Well, it's not adventures, per se. He is more of a literary buff and prefers conversation and books to silly games. So when the weather is hot, you'll not find Cole running through the sprinkler, or even getting too close to it. He'll pop his head over to the edge where he can keep a safe distance, and talk about how it's "wang-ing" (raining) for a while, adding a gleeful squeal to let you know that he does, in fact, enjoy the water. Just not enough to get in.
What can I say about this boy? He is beautiful, just eating up life every turn of the tide... The other day was blazing hot for an April day in St. Louis- though not unusually hot, I suppose. So we set out to make some fun-in-the-sun and here's what we came up with: the garden sprinklers! Ethan didn't even bat an eye to the fact that the water was cold, he just dove in. See his face? Not sure I can explain the afternoon better than the look on his face. He just stood there getting wetter and wetter and laughing and splashing and drinking that water. It was fun to watch the differences in the boys, and in this episode we see Daddy's adventurous spirit in Ethan. He just didn't hesitate- he went all in. Isn't it glorious? There are so many things I can learn from him.
Saturday, April 01, 2006
Full of surprises
They never cease to amaze me. Just when I think I have them "figured out" I am again surprised by what my boys will do.
We just spent 5 days traveling and in Pennsylvania visiting Nate's grandmas. They live in retirement communities/nursing homes and I was so worried that the boys would be shy and fussy while we were away. To my wonderment, they were completely opposite and what a joy it was to watch them! I saw my boys hug and kiss their great-grandmas upon first meeting them; watched them laugh and play in the sitting areas of the nursing home while old folks walked by and by; I saw the boys entertain our whole family for hours with just a styrofoam cup; I saw the smiles on the grandmas' faces and the joy brought from miles away by two little guys with no plan or agenda.
It was a beautiful sight and a great experience- it was a blessing. I got to see my boys happy in a strange situation, and they made everyone feel comfortable and loved. And I love them for it.
We just spent 5 days traveling and in Pennsylvania visiting Nate's grandmas. They live in retirement communities/nursing homes and I was so worried that the boys would be shy and fussy while we were away. To my wonderment, they were completely opposite and what a joy it was to watch them! I saw my boys hug and kiss their great-grandmas upon first meeting them; watched them laugh and play in the sitting areas of the nursing home while old folks walked by and by; I saw the boys entertain our whole family for hours with just a styrofoam cup; I saw the smiles on the grandmas' faces and the joy brought from miles away by two little guys with no plan or agenda.
It was a beautiful sight and a great experience- it was a blessing. I got to see my boys happy in a strange situation, and they made everyone feel comfortable and loved. And I love them for it.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Classic
The boys have been growing in their ability to understand sharing and loving lately. Oh, they don't really know what either of those things mean but they do "get it" sometimes. Ethan is my particularly physical child. He follows Cole around when Cole has anything he might want, and pushes Cole down the hallway. He bites when he's at a loss for any better way to get what he wants. And he runs around like a crazy kid, screaming at the top of his lungs when he's happy or sad or mad. So Cole has learned to share- perhaps out of desperation for his own safety; or perhaps because he really does want Ethan to be happy. He'll do a sweet thing by giving Ethan that object he only just fought over, and then follow it with a bear hug like only Cole can give. And sometimes Ethan reciprocates.
It has taken them this long to learn "hug" and "kiss," so I imagine it will be some years before they truly understand "love each other." But for now, I find the hugs and the sharing of toys, even amidst the screaming that preceeds it, classic.
It has taken them this long to learn "hug" and "kiss," so I imagine it will be some years before they truly understand "love each other." But for now, I find the hugs and the sharing of toys, even amidst the screaming that preceeds it, classic.
Friday, March 10, 2006
How'd they do that?
The boys are so funny. Even after they've been napping, or off playing by themselves for a while I'll find traces of them here and there. Some of these little evidences of "boys" are funnier than others. It's their little brains at work that kicks me! See, they find interesting ways of making every brighter and happier even when they are cranky and naughty. Because I can find joy in those boys no matter what- their clever little minds devise cute schemes to leave clues for me! Sometimes it's a book left on the floor in our bedroom; or a hat that is too big for Ethan to wear, but nonetheless adorable that he does left in the living room; or a sippy cup where it clearly doesn't belong- or does it?
If I didn't have the boys, or were to suddenly lose them- it would be little things like this that I'd never want to change. I'd leave that cup there forever and be content to know that while they were here, they brought glory to God through their image-bearing silliness and uniqueness. I would miss the messes I obsessively clean up 3 times a day; and the nasty crumbs that get stuck on the bottom of my feet when I walk in the kitchen in socks; and the ear-piercing screams that I swear are making me deaf; and the poopy diapers (really? yes); and the slapping and hitting that I have to break up 50 times a day; and the blankets and clothes on the floor during nap time when they've fallen asleep undressing themselves; and a bajillion other miscellaneous things that make my heart melt.
You'd miss it all, too.
But for now, I remember how it felt to see their tiny little bodies in the isolettes at the hospital for the first month of their lives; and it brings back the insane sanity that gives me joy and peace- knowing I don't deserve them. So when I do get impatient, I'm brought back to this, and suddenly, whatever was bothering me a minute ago is not that big of a deal any more. See?
If I didn't have the boys, or were to suddenly lose them- it would be little things like this that I'd never want to change. I'd leave that cup there forever and be content to know that while they were here, they brought glory to God through their image-bearing silliness and uniqueness. I would miss the messes I obsessively clean up 3 times a day; and the nasty crumbs that get stuck on the bottom of my feet when I walk in the kitchen in socks; and the ear-piercing screams that I swear are making me deaf; and the poopy diapers (really? yes); and the slapping and hitting that I have to break up 50 times a day; and the blankets and clothes on the floor during nap time when they've fallen asleep undressing themselves; and a bajillion other miscellaneous things that make my heart melt.
You'd miss it all, too.
But for now, I remember how it felt to see their tiny little bodies in the isolettes at the hospital for the first month of their lives; and it brings back the insane sanity that gives me joy and peace- knowing I don't deserve them. So when I do get impatient, I'm brought back to this, and suddenly, whatever was bothering me a minute ago is not that big of a deal any more. See?
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Summer's-a-comin'!
With the weather so mild this winter, we've had plenty of opportunity to go outside and "play." The only problem is that in our yard there's just nothing to play with. The boys have resorted to nearly obsessive-compulsive behavior by digging the mulch out of the gardens every time we are outside, as if that is what they are somehow wired to do. Despite my "no-noing" and persisitent pushes to do otherwise, they continue to demolish the already bewildered garden beds, confused by the warmth of winter. So my driveway and walkway are covered in dirt and mulch, and my flower beds are naked, brown and sad.
Ideas for summer activities that don't require driving to a park or elsewhere for fun? We may try to put in a sandbox, if Nate can make one. Since the boys love to dig so much, might as well give them something to dig in. We'd love some kind of outdoor play set, but they just aren't affordable. We've got absolutely nothing for them to enjoy in the yard, and such a large back yard to host- it's just sad. Only real problem we run into on a consistent basis is dog poo; not just any poo- HOSS sized. You know what I mean.
Little boys need outdoor toys... welcoming input!
Ideas for summer activities that don't require driving to a park or elsewhere for fun? We may try to put in a sandbox, if Nate can make one. Since the boys love to dig so much, might as well give them something to dig in. We'd love some kind of outdoor play set, but they just aren't affordable. We've got absolutely nothing for them to enjoy in the yard, and such a large back yard to host- it's just sad. Only real problem we run into on a consistent basis is dog poo; not just any poo- HOSS sized. You know what I mean.
Little boys need outdoor toys... welcoming input!
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Cole-isms at the 2 year mark
Oh, Cole the places you will go...
Cole loves people- especially kids. When with older cousins he gets to laughing a gorgeous belly laugh that will brighten the dimmest of days!
He takes his PJ's off in bed at night, and we find him half naked in a diaper, all twisted in his PJ's.
He is a junk-food-junkie, just like Mama- always going for chips, crackers, juice and "ta-weets"(treats).
He ABSOLUTELY LOVES to color, and once you've brought it up, he'll say "colow" until the sun goes down...
His favorite crayon is the Red one. He always picks it when he has the choice.
He loves words, books and numbers. He'll say what he knows of his ABCs and 123s all day long, along with other words he learns that day.
He knows most of the pictures and animals in most of his books.
Cole, though loving them, also destroys books.
Cole always coughs in his sleep at night- just enough to make one wonder why.
When upset, angry or frustrated he wants his "banket" (blanket). It's his comfort/crutch.
He hates wearing shoes and socks and pulls them off given any chance, yes in the car, too.
He dances by bending his knees up and down and shaking his fists- rather reminiscent of Forest Gump.
He jumps in his bed, like a trampoline- it's absolutely adorable.
He's partial to Mama, and Ethan to Daddy.
Cole loves people- especially kids. When with older cousins he gets to laughing a gorgeous belly laugh that will brighten the dimmest of days!
He takes his PJ's off in bed at night, and we find him half naked in a diaper, all twisted in his PJ's.
He is a junk-food-junkie, just like Mama- always going for chips, crackers, juice and "ta-weets"(treats).
He ABSOLUTELY LOVES to color, and once you've brought it up, he'll say "colow" until the sun goes down...
His favorite crayon is the Red one. He always picks it when he has the choice.
He loves words, books and numbers. He'll say what he knows of his ABCs and 123s all day long, along with other words he learns that day.
He knows most of the pictures and animals in most of his books.
Cole, though loving them, also destroys books.
Cole always coughs in his sleep at night- just enough to make one wonder why.
When upset, angry or frustrated he wants his "banket" (blanket). It's his comfort/crutch.
He hates wearing shoes and socks and pulls them off given any chance, yes in the car, too.
He dances by bending his knees up and down and shaking his fists- rather reminiscent of Forest Gump.
He jumps in his bed, like a trampoline- it's absolutely adorable.
He's partial to Mama, and Ethan to Daddy.
Ethan-isms at the 2 year mark
Ahh, the things Ethan will do. Isn't he great?
When he's having fun with Daddy, he does this silly grin- from ear to ear- and makes that "eeee" sound, crinkling his face all up.
He smells EVERYTHING. If food is offered, he has to smell it, and depending on the odor, it is either accepted or rejected.
When he's mad or (more likely) misunderstood, he stomps around to a wall and smacks it with his hands, throwing a mini temper tantrum.
He uses his little fingers to do lots of fine motor skills, like pushing buttons and figuring out how things work. His most favorite object is the "pewter" (computer), even though he's not allowed to use it yet.
When outside, he runs up and down the driveway yelling "AAAAAAA" all the way with that silly little grin on his face!
He is very jealous of my giving attention to other children, especially babies.
He loves his wooby and sniffs it to calm himself and help him sleep.
He loves to watch things spin- tires, tops, toys that are round... and puts his face right up to it or on it to watch.
He confuses the sounds in a word- cookie is "keecoo" and poopy is "peepoo".
Ethan often instigates fights with Cole by taking a toy Cole is playing with, running away and then turning to see just how upset Cole is by it. This usually makes Cole scream, which is what Ethan loves.
He is very tenderhearted to other children who are hurting. Often in nursery he will pat another child who is crying, or give them a hug.
He loves to "vacuum" the kitchen with the electric sweeper.
He wakes up too easily when being covered up at night, and is the cutest tired kid!
Whenever in the car, he takes his socks and shoes off and wiggles his free little toes.
He loves to throw objects at people, often beening Cole with a ball or hard object.
Anything that has buttons, "butties" are most tempting to him, and he quickly figures out how to work them.
When he's having fun with Daddy, he does this silly grin- from ear to ear- and makes that "eeee" sound, crinkling his face all up.
He smells EVERYTHING. If food is offered, he has to smell it, and depending on the odor, it is either accepted or rejected.
When he's mad or (more likely) misunderstood, he stomps around to a wall and smacks it with his hands, throwing a mini temper tantrum.
He uses his little fingers to do lots of fine motor skills, like pushing buttons and figuring out how things work. His most favorite object is the "pewter" (computer), even though he's not allowed to use it yet.
When outside, he runs up and down the driveway yelling "AAAAAAA" all the way with that silly little grin on his face!
He is very jealous of my giving attention to other children, especially babies.
He loves his wooby and sniffs it to calm himself and help him sleep.
He loves to watch things spin- tires, tops, toys that are round... and puts his face right up to it or on it to watch.
He confuses the sounds in a word- cookie is "keecoo" and poopy is "peepoo".
Ethan often instigates fights with Cole by taking a toy Cole is playing with, running away and then turning to see just how upset Cole is by it. This usually makes Cole scream, which is what Ethan loves.
He is very tenderhearted to other children who are hurting. Often in nursery he will pat another child who is crying, or give them a hug.
He loves to "vacuum" the kitchen with the electric sweeper.
He wakes up too easily when being covered up at night, and is the cutest tired kid!
Whenever in the car, he takes his socks and shoes off and wiggles his free little toes.
He loves to throw objects at people, often beening Cole with a ball or hard object.
Anything that has buttons, "butties" are most tempting to him, and he quickly figures out how to work them.
new for me
I am starting a blog mostly to help me remember things about my boys for the times I actually record them. I don't sit down and make lists often, so I think if I do it like this it may help the process.
I welcome insights, advice about the blog itself or about life in general, and encouragement is always a special treat.
Look forward to sharing and hearing from you.
I welcome insights, advice about the blog itself or about life in general, and encouragement is always a special treat.
Look forward to sharing and hearing from you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
